Over the past few months, there has been one client at the Mission with whom I've built a special friendship. This lady (who I'll just call A) and I consumed a lot of coffee together and had more than a few good conversations about everything from our favorite music and our plans for the weekend to our individual struggles and joys.
A began using drugs as a teenager and had, to this point, lived a life marked by dysfunction and pain. As we spent time together, I entered into this pain so far as she allowed me to, feeling the weight of her burden; at times, it was staggering. I grew to care for her and deeply hope for her healing and transformation. Though it seemed impossible for her to imagine, I felt as if God gave me eyes to see the beauty that she possessed. Through these eyes, I prayed not only for her recovery from the disease of addiction but also for her complete restoration through the love and grace of Jesus.
Today, my heart hurts. I learned earlier from A's case manager that she had relapsed this weekend after running into an old group of friends with whom she had used. It's difficult, and maybe impossible, to understand the reasons for A's decision, and I think that I'd waste time and energy in doing so -- but the following are two things that I do know: addiction, at its core, is a disease of deception and when relationships are broken, no matter the reason, it's painful. and it sucks.
please, if you believe that it makes a difference, pray for A.
thanks.
1 comment:
Sarah,
I don't even know where to begin so forgive me as I may fumble around.
I too understand carrying other people's burdens, no matter how large or how small they seem to us or to others. We are often so grieved by them and yet the pain or discomfort that person feels must be so much deeper.
I can't carry someone's pain and really not examine how Christ carried mine and yours and everyone else's. All at once He carried them. He saw beauty in us as well as all our junk...and yet He carried them all...
Tim and I read Crazy Love by Francis Chan last weekend and were struck the clear message. Love. You, my friend, so young are sharing a love that few understand and you are sharing a glimpse of Heaven in all its Glory.
Loving without expectation is hard...but some have a knack for it.
I'm praying for your sweet friend, A. But I'm also praying for you, that you will not become disillusioned by this. I'm also praying that when she returns to you, she will feel the same, confusing, overwhelming, addictive love of Jesus.
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