hidden treasures.

"The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field, which a man found and covered up. Then in his joy he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field." Matthew 13

I think that, sometimes, the most unexpectedly good gifts aren't readily visible. As in Jesus' parable, goodness often hides beneath layers of dirt, undiscovered but for a man or woman's stumbling upon it and recognizing it as possessing value. I'll be honest: usually, I'm too lazy to be bothered with the digging.

My prayer, these days, is for grace: to dig deeper when God's goodness isn't immediately apparent, and to have eyes that recognize beauty and glory in unexpected places.

giving thanks for his treasures.
0081. tulips that look like s p r i n g. <3

0082. deep conversation on the T

0083. being witness to great talent (in my own friends, no less!)

0084. singing and sharing communion with fellow believers

0085. spicy Mexican food

0086. less spicy (but just as tasty!) tapas

0087. cruising down the highway

0088. hot apple spice tea, brewed double-strength

0089. tealights in a row

0090. Christmas cards, still taped up in late January

0091. shearling moccasins

0092. red brick sidewalk + stilettos

0093. the Psalms, and Job's story

0094. goosebumps

0095. good memories of people, places, and experiences

0096. clean dishes

0097. running into people who I know around the city

0098. a blue bowl with tart green apples

0099. a high in the 50s tomorrow!

0100. the opportunity to work with each of my clients (and getting to #100 on this list!)

resonating.

I just watched Garden State, all the way through, for the first time. I remember being a little scared away from it a few years ago because there were some drugs and one particularly sexy scene, and that sort of thing made me nervous. Now, I understand why so many people were drawn to this film - and why I kept hearing about it, for months and months, after it came out. I don't know the fancy filmmaker lingo - far from it - but from where I stand, we watch stories like this one because they make us feel human. Characters like Sam and Andrew remind us of the people in our lives - and, probably, of ourselves - and so we resonate with their struggles and joys and feel connected to the vast, diverse, crazy family of humanity. Stories like this one speak to the redemptive value of every awful bit of our lives, giving us hope that nothing is wasted and that life, with all of its seemingly random experiences, is about something much more meaningful and interconnected than we could've dared to dream.

I think that it's important to note, too, that we are so drawn to these sorts of characters because we're allowed to see their flaws. It's easy to think, walking around in this world of ours, that we struggle alone - none of us especially enjoy talking about how messed up we are, right? Maybe it's due to a lack of confidence, present in all of us to some degree, but coming face to face with imperfection is freeing. It allows us to breeeeathe a long-overdue sigh of relief, affirming our own messy and beautiful story.

giving thanks for this beautiful mess.
0071. wilted flowers

0072. a down comforter

0073. comfort food

0074. reallllly mellow music

0075. hot soup

0076. the brisk, biting wind

0077. A Million Miles in a Thousand Years, which gave me new ways to think about story

0078. dialogue with those who are different

0079. warm, knotty hats

0080. my daily Bread

joy to the world.

If I'm honest, I haven't felt much like giving thanks lately. The circumstances surrounding this attitude of [in]gratitude are many and varied, but, still, the unfortunate fact stands: I've been throwing a teeny, tiny pity party.

This season of personal negativity has coincided with the season of Advent, when Christians celebrate the coming of the Savior. This intermingling - despair with hope, flesh with spirit, darkness with flooding, freeing light - has brought about a period of introspection. One thing that I've learned, and am learning, is that worship of and gratitude toward God serve to quickly re-align my thoughts - and my heart - to his.

Too often, I forget the simplicity in his grace. I begin, again, to believe that what I'm called to in following Jesus will be beyond my ability, that I'm better off on my own. I place my trust in the empty promises of independence and self-actualization. And, naturally, I end up in the same pitiful circumstance: temporarily blinded to truth and refusing to take the hand of my omniscient Guide.

Today, on Christmas, I'm hoping for a re-alignment of sorts. I'm praising God for his grace and saying, with the apostle Paul, "Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!"

0051. the perfect latte

0052. Pandora station - Glee Cast

0053. a beautiful new Bible

0054. Texas

0055. rocking a sweet baby to sleep

0056. curly fries

0057. crooked teeth

0058. decaf earl gray with a touch of Braum's milk

0059. fiesty kitties

0060. finding my Passport

0061. a pink, purple, orange sunset stretched wide over Texas skies

0062. relationships restored

0063. chatting - in person! - with my grandparents

0064. old movies

0065. flexibility

0066. warm quilts

0067. that God is personal and relational

0068. road-trip harmonies

0069. imperfection

0070. so so many opportunities for generosity and love

in limbo.

Main Entry: lim·bo
Pronunciation: \ˈlim-(ˌ)bō\
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural limbos
Etymology: Middle English, from Medieval Latin, abl. of limbus limbo, from Latin, border
Date: 14th century

1 often capitalized : an abode of souls that are according to Roman Catholic theology barred from heaven because of not having received Christian baptism
2 a : a place or state of restraint or confinement b : a place or state of neglect or oblivion c : an intermediate or transitional place or state d : a state of uncertainty

[definition from the Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary]

I've never been happier to be in a place of uncertainty.

Don't get me wrong: I'm still the same inquisitive gal who would, if I'm honest, prefer to have all of the answers. In this particular time of transition, however, I feel a sense of freedom and expectancy that is normally quite absent from my thoughts pertaining to the future.

There's this verse in the last chapter of Proverbs that I really like. An anonymous author writes of a woman who he considers to be excellent, delineating various characteristics of personality and behavior that set her apart and elicit praise. One line, however, has always stuck out to me:

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

Oh, to be like this woman!! By nature, I'm more apt to fear than to trust when facing the unknown - and, at least practically, I've lived by the adage "hope for the best, prepare for the worst" for the entirety of my adult life. It's my hope, as I continue to walk with Jesus, that I'll increasingly know a deep-seated confidence in the Father's desire and ability to provide for my needs. From such a place, I can't imagine a better response than freeing, joyful, grateful laughter.

and, so, I offer thanks.
0036. breakfasts-on-the-run

0037. bearing witness to acts of courage

0038. pretty pink nails

0039. opportunities to love

0040. bright red walls

0041. celebrating the good things in life

0042. a Thanksgiving feast

0043. Scrabble tile earrings

0044. living & learning in community

0045. a particularly challenging book

0046. hugs

0047. a clean slate

0048. pink clouds at dusk

0049. apple spice cake

0050. tears that bring healing

"Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you." 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

star-gazing

If there's one thing that I'm learning, it's that I need to give thanks! Already, this thousand gifts journey has shown me just how often I grumble and complain [both about things/circumstances that I don't have or those that I do and wish that I didn't] instead of lifting my eyes to the Giver of all good gifts. I'm reminded of a few short lines of verse that I read once:

Two men looked through prison bars; one saw dirt, the other stars.

By the time that my list reaches one thousand, I hope to be a star-gazer. Lifting our eyes heavenward does something to us, doesn't it? Some of my favorite memories involve being with friends, wrapped in blankets (or, during hot Texas summers, sprawled in our tanks and shorts) and staring up at the stars. Each time that I've had the opportunity to do so, I've been struck by the vastness of the created order, my own smallness, and the strong, albeit strange, connection between the two. In that place, perspective is found: the day's worries, no longer illuminated by the sun's blinding light, seem less intimidating; voices speaking of war, revenge, hatred fall silent; persons maimed by life's barbs find peace. Surely the God who made all of this is powerful, and merciful, and good.

and so, I lift my eyes...
0021. banjos, in any and every situation (musically and otherwise)

0022. hot lemon-y tea

0023. happy surprises

0024. friends who will let me be real, even when real = messy

0025. new beginnings

0026. Chilean cabernet sauvignon

0027. opportunities to practice bravery

0028. living in a city teeming with people of beautifully different cultures

0029. good running shoes

0030. a clean kitchen

0031. laughing with Dad

0032. the grace to recognize my sin

0033. knowing that pain, while it sucks, won't have the final word

0034. the kindness and generosity of CTKers

0035. the stack of books on my bedside table

trusting.

Today wasn't a great day. I'll spare you the details - suffice to say that life feels a bit confusing, and I'm convinced that the 'real world' is a quite unfriendly place.

I'm thinking that this new intentionality of giving thanks will be especially beneficial as I navigate through [what feel like] increasingly choppy waters. The reality of my situation is this: As of November 23, I will be unemployed. Eeeek! It's a scary thought. There's another reality, though: my Father knows what I need! The biblical author Matthew quotes Jesus: "[...] do not be anxious, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

My natural state seems to be one of asking questions that are, in essence, like those above. I don't easily trust that God is good - and have even greater difficulty in believing that God is good to me and will continue to be good to me. My experience, however, proves otherwise: despite my best efforts to keep him at arm's length, he has flooded my life with his good gifts - none of which I could earn and certainly don't deserve. How worthy he is of our praise!

and the endless stream of gifts continues...
0011. birthday parties

0012. a beautiful, sunny, unseasonably warm day

0013. friendships that are easy

0014. friendships that are difficult, because they remind me that I am needy

0015. the twinkling eyes of a friend

0016. the "vera cruz vanilla" candle that's flickering (and smelling yummy!) as I write

0017. sweet baby smiles

0018. the newest addition to my wardrobe: the prettiest sweater in my favorite shade of green

0019. peace that is beyond my understanding but is truly felt and known

0020. getting to talk to THREE members of my family in the same day! <3

ohhhh, life is good.

one thousand gifts

I've been inspired by two other women (who blog here and here) to begin a "thousand gifts list." The goal seems simple enough: to list, over the course of a few months, a thousand things for which I'm grateful. Still, the idea's a daunting one - though I certainly have much to give thanks for, it's rare that I stop to consider such things (and whisper a 'thanks' to the Giver).

Of her experience keeping a gratitude list, Ann Voskamp writes: "I am seeing things I have never seen before, atuned and aware of this constant, endless stream of gifts from His hand. I am one waking from slumber....from the stupor of indifference and ignorance. I have sight, fresh and keen---the world is new and full of His gifts."

How much we - I - need to wake up! So, then, my gratitude-experiment begins...

The Thousand Gifts
0001. tasty shelled pecans from Texas

0002. Dad's sweet words of encouragement

0003. college students eager to serve food to homeless folks early on a Saturday

0004. The Wailin' Jennys Heaven When We're Home and other songs with lyrics that speak of beauty and truth

0005. finally - finally! - belonging to a church that I love

0006. conversations at the Mission with JR, CA, & MF

0007. the perfect sandwich: ham, swiss, roasted red peppers, lettuce, tomato, and oil/vinegar on a baguette, prepared by my favorite French-speaking Armenian barista :)

0008. eating tex-mex in Boston

0009. his forgiveness

0010. traipsing around Harvard Square with one of my favorite people